Life, Popular

Letting Go of the Known…

17 May

One of the last pics I took from my Frisco office space…

Welp… It’s official… The last month and a half on the road, and away from the noise, stress, and “must do’s” and “must have’s” of living the daily grind in the States has helped me not only BREATHE but also make some serious decisions about my future.

Since 2019, I have owned a small creative design business, focusing on website design anddevelopment, taking on graphic design jobs, like designing logos, flyers, etc, and my favorite, product design (including surfboards, bathing suits, retail package design, product catalogs, etc). I’m self-taught in the industry, having thrown myself into learning how to build websites and using Adobe in 2007, the result of simply being bored at work one day, and deciding to start a sports and hip-hop magazine. That was my first venture into entrepreneurship, which I successfully failed until 2012 when I decided to return to Corporate America.

featured gear

Do It Anyway Gym Hat

I created this hat to match the tattoo I have on my collarbone, and to remind myself of how I should be living my life… there’s always a reason not to… It’s never the right time, someone is going to judge you, it costs too much, it will take too much time… whatever the goal there’s always a reason NOT to do it… which is why you should DO IT ANYWAY.

Do It Anyway | Gym Hat
$25.00

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Moving Jae into his first apartment before I leave the country…

Last date night with the kid…

During the same time, the early to mid-2010s, I was living in a constant state of extreme stress and seemingly unending turmoil. By that time I had been a single mother for several years, my son having been born at the end of 2003. I’ve raised him on my own since the day he was born, as his father bailed when I was five months pregnant and we’ve only seen him a few times since.

Throughout my son’s life, I didn’t receive child support, didn’t have built-in/family babysitters on call, nor received any government assistance, save for less than a year of food stamps and daycare stipends. Outside of being a single mother and trying to be a successful entrepreneur, I was also living in an extremely physically abusive relationship and what would turn into two very emotionally abusive friendships with women whom I thought were my ride-or-dies.

"...I was also living in an extremely physically abusive relationship and what would turn into two very emotionally abusive friendships with... my ride-or-dies."

But more on that later, and back to the original point of this post, it’s officially official. While I’m fairly certain that I will never reenter the corporate workforce, I am going to finally pull the trigger on something I’ve been waffling on for the last few years, well really since I started my business back in 2019… I am no longer going to design or develop websites or take on any graphic design projects. Instead, I’m going to focus my business on brand development and refreshes.

B-Day Shenanigans with my Bestie… One Month before leaving the US…

Facetime with the Kid and Diamond 🙂

In the last 5+ years that I’ve been doing design work full-time, these are the only projects I’ve actually ENJOYED doing and being a part of (other than my time designing surfboards and other hard goods). And, at this point in my life, I realized I am no longer willing to work or live in situations that eat away at my soul just so I can pay a bill. Since I was eighteen, because of my own decisions and circumstances beyond my control, I’ve had to live my life according to what must be done to survive.

Reflecting… 2023 Girls Trip to MIA

Survival at all costs, no matter the personal strain. How this might damage my chances for longevity or overall health and mental well-being didn’t matter. All that mattered (and honestly this continued to a degree up until I left the States on March 20), was that I do whatever had to be done to take care of my son and keep us off the street. I was always playing defense, never offense. And trying to hold the ball at the one-yard line for twenty years straight has been an all-consuming weight. But at this point, I’m just not willing to live that life anymore.

Life is too damn short…